At some point last summer, Isaac learned an inappropriate finger gesture a camp. He tried it out on me one day, yelling, "You're sucking man!" as he very tentatively erected his middle finger.
I gave him a time out, but also I didn't want to totally get hysterical, as I felt that would be counter productive. Then he tried it out on a kid at school and we got a note home about it. "Isaac used an inappropriate finger gesture at school today." Apparently he and his little friend were doing it to each other on the playground. I asked whether they were mad at each other at the time, and he said, "Nah, we were just goofing around." But they both got in trouble for it. Since then Isaac has really pretty much stopped it. The problem now is Elias.
I think what happened there is that he was practicing his sign language letters. For a while there he was constantly trying new things out and showing them to me, and I'd say "that's an R" or "that's a T." Well, it seems that one night when he was with a baby sitter, his experimentation led him to use that gesture by mistake. If it had been me, I would have not responded much , but just suggested that he use his pinky to make an I, or whatever. But the babysitter FREAKED OUT. She apparently gave him quite a lecture and a time out, which he took pretty hard (understandably, as he had no idea why he was in trouble). And the fall-out from this is something we are still dealing with. From the babysitter's reaction, he learned that this is something mean, that you do when you're really really mad. Unfortunately, because he's three, he's really mad a lot of the time.
Last summer we endured a couple months of constant, "you dummy!" and threats of "I gonna punch you in the face!" It was very tiresome, and we tried different approaches. WHat I learned from that experience is that giving him time-outs or scolding him or indeed reacting at all, only makes it worse. The best defense is to ignore the behavior, give it no attention whatsoever, and then it will ultimately fade away. This is difficult when you're being flipped off all the time.
Picture if you will: a small cherubic blond child is hiding under a pile of blankets. His mother comes in and says kindly, "Elias, come on, time for bed." There's no reply, only a little dimpled hand arises from the blankets. Yes, it's a one-finger salute, delivered wordlessly with a plump middle finger.
Advice?? Anyone?